Sometimes my body can’t tell if I’m on a literal rollercoaster or I’m just really embarrassed. Embarrassing moments are one of those things that are impossible to remember when asked to recall but when you remember them organically it’s as if they just happened. My heart feels as if it plummets down to my stomach, my face flushes, and I get nauseated. It’s a completely undesirable experience and has led me to wonder why that reaction happens at all?
Coming from an evolutionary standpoint I can’t fathom what benefits it really has. Take this for example, one time I was on vacation with a male friend and while we were emptying our bags in the hotel room, a handful of condoms fell out of my bag and spread across the floor. Instant embarrassment. The assumption that those condoms could have been intended for that friend is just as painful for me as the assumption that I brought ten condoms for sexcapades with a stranger. The truth? I really don’t know. Maybe a bit of both? Maybe they were more of a pipe-dream during a particular dry spell? Maybe I just wanted to have them to think that I could be the girl who fucks a lot on vacation? Whatever the reason, I never expected to be found out.
So what’s the lesson that my bright red rosy cheeks taught me in that moment? Don’t be prepared. And… take more care when emptying suit cases. Also, that whenever I randomly remember this moment in the future, it will feel as if it is happening again for the first time. Also, also, no amount of wondering if the other person involved remembers this moment will give me any solace or reduce the amount of embarrassment felt. Verdict? Feelings of embarrassment have no benefitting effects beyond keeping a person humble. That being the case, I’m really fuckin’ humble.